i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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