we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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