The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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