I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
