I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry my hands just texted you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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