I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
