I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
