And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
