Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
