You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
