third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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