so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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