Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
