I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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