the condom got lost in my hair
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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