i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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