Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
