awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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