Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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