walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
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I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The air taste purple.
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