you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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