I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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