Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
