just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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