he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
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I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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