when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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