I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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