it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
