She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
