So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
