let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
