Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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