I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
