Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
