You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
