And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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