drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
