i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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