I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
