I swear she didn't look like that last week.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
