He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it because I queefed?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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