if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm bleeding and have questions
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
