Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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