goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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