You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize