who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
