The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
