WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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