Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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