Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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