Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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