i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
