so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
