Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
