R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
