Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
