with your own penis?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
