people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
