apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
