Yo dont text me then not text me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
